Unexpected

2006-11-06T12:00:00.000-08:00

What have i done to deserve all these craps.... Darn... Whats wrong...
I understand that i need to go through all these... But I feel so not me...
Down with depression...

Am i doing the right decision? I don know...

2006-10-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

Lost my precious handphone today... In the female toilet at the basement of Parco Bugis Junction during night-time.[Sobsob]
The phone of mine carries lots of memories, and is now gone... For good.
Just like my first relationship. All so sudden.
Well maybe somehow it is signaling me is time to go to the next chapter of my life. Angel of mine had gone, too. Shall not grumble too much. What is mine, will come in time.

Went to Tao's resturant yesterday with Elaine and Maverick. This is my second time going and im sure i will go for the third time. 'Cos the food and people there is great. Thanks to Yoxiang for bringing me there. [Heehee]

Went to the new office of Maverick today and find it great ya. Cosy, good ambience...
Still taking Herbalife though my dad restrict me from doing it ya. He prefers me to help out... Sad... And frankly speaking, it is really a good way of keeping your body healthy and mantain your figure. If people out there find it a chore of taking health suplements and find it hard to mantain the daily routine, i've found a way. [Bingo]
Gosh, have been so stressed out lately by work. Got a few pimples popping out.. Argh.
Shall stop here and go to my lala~ land. To look at my phone for the very last time.[I really like my phone alot. It carries way too much sentimental value in it.]

2006-10-23T08:19:00.000-07:00

Run To You - Whitney Houston , very nice song. Thanks.
Things don't always turn out to be what you yearn for. But somehow this might be the best outcome ya, in a long run i mean...

Empty promises are made, meant to be broken.
Losing the faith in believing is what i din expect myself to land in.

But since im there, i will live with it.
Till one day, when that someone appear.
Who wun let me feel alone anymore.
Who is able to remove my fear.

There's still little hope in me, yearning for the hug that will ease my pain, deep down...

OH well, too depressing. Alright i'll stop here. Nites, dreamie..

2006-10-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

The feelings of human towards anything just wun last.
Anything...
It doesn't mean that one is lying to you when one din make good one's words.
It just means that one don feel as same the moment before...

Human rejects changes
Any changes...
And now that i think rational, one just have to learn to accept the fact if one wanna fall in love again.

The chances of heartbreaks are high.
Existing risk create chicken littles, who wanna be in the game but allow uncertainty to engulf 'em with fear. To control their words, their actions.
Well i suppose i am one of them.

Learn how to manage risk ya. Yeah, im talking to me, myself.

2006-10-14T22:55:00.000-07:00

Who can i find comfort in... I need a rest.
Take away my worries
Fill my emptiness
Wipe away my tears

And tell me everything will be fine.
I don dare to ask for more, just a few mins will do.

Even if it is just a lie...

2006-10-14T06:01:00.000-07:00

I watched Death note o... At first i find it quite boring as i had already read the comics beforehand. But after 'L' appear, the story got interesting. Will be going for the next episode ya. Went to have supper then head to mustafa. And i must say that they are mad. 'Cos after the trip to Mustafa they suggest to eat again... Gosh, it is already 6 in the morn... they are torturing me... Went to Mac for our 'breakfast'. [Dying, but they look enegetic]

Skipped my Yoga lesson [AwWw] take a quick nap and went for the jewllery making session. It was ultra fun [Ah haha]
I made an Angel and a ring.
An angel.... My angel....

Now that i am sitting here, there is a whole bunch of people sitting in my living room chattering away. I shall join 'em before they kill me, and my blog. Mucks.

2006-10-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

My mummy was landed in the hospital... ... operation...

I sincerely hope that people out there do take good care of their health. And aware of that the diet you guys are in will determine your health.

How i wish i'm still a kid. There will be not much worries, and if there is, the worries will be on sweets and toys duh. How i wish...
I have hell lot of things to take care of. Concentrating more on family biz now, not much of my choice but i know i have to do it. I have to prove to my daddy that i am not joking about doing network marketing. Which after i read up, i feel that people choose to remain naive and listen to 'friend of mine' instead of finding facts. Human naturally reject changes and chose to stay in comfort zone. But trying to challange oneself and accept changes is kinda heavy to digest, for me. How wonderful if an angel appear... [Piak] stop daydreaming and do your work now idiot.

Alright, just wanna let you guys know is not that i want to, but i have to... ...

2006-10-11T11:18:00.000-07:00

My mind is contridicting again. Can i don't wanna love but have you at my side?
Well i guess it will be too selfish if i want it my way. I don't wanna waste your time ya. But if ever i say i want you back as a friend will you agree... ...

Selfishness makes me look ugly.

2006-10-06T22:24:00.000-07:00

Phew, finally sometime to relax... ...
Have been very busy recently. Now i have decided to Help my daddy in his business, taking up a business diploma and eventually achieve financial independence then financial freedom. Yeah, there is still a long way to go... ...

Moving forward step by step to achieve my ultimate goal. It might sound too ambitious but my mind is clear. There is things i need to work on before falling in love again.

Oh ya im not 'teen anymore! Im officially TWENTY year old! Now my heart is praying that time wun flies. [Ahem]
Thanks for the flower and the cake guys. I thought i wun be celebrating my birthday this year. [Touch]
Thanks for the ring[Ah haha] I like it.

Maybe 'cos im real busy with my stuff that i don't have time for my friends, some important ones din greet me. Kinda disappointed. Well everyone have to move on with their lifes, with or without one another. I just miss you guys, my friends.

2006-10-02T10:23:00.000-07:00

Visualise and Realise

Are you game?

2006-09-23T04:13:00.000-07:00

I thought i had recovered, i thought i had done a fairly well job in managing my world.
But when i look into my heart, i see nothing but the ugly me. The coward.
Disappointment is the word duh, my heart felt weak. So weak that it couldn't even have the courage to tears. But now is not the time to break down, not even grumble...

How i wish you are here now... ...
[Smiles]

2006-09-17T12:23:00.000-07:00

Went to Raffles hotel to attend Blake Morgan's talk today. He is SO charming! [Haha] I'm sure anyone knows KFC ya, but do you know where the chickens came from? [Psst] I got totally no idea why had he land it there, he use to be a chicken catcher in his teens, and mind you, he was one of those catching chickens for KFC. [lmao] He started working at the age of 17. To now who he is, a multi-millionaire was definately a tough journey duh. Well the rest of the information i shall keep it for myself ya.
Now i have a clearer picture of what i want in life.

Finish the book 'Rich Dad Poor Dad' and am ready for the second book 'Cashelow Quadrant'. Now i advise darlings out there who are seeking financial freedom to grab 'Rich Dad Poor Dad'. From there you will understand why the rich are getting richer, poor getting poorer and the middle class struggling.

'No one really cares if you are gonna succeed. You are going to be all alone at the end of the day.'

2006-09-16T13:43:00.000-07:00

Saw an angel today, and i felt so lost. I feel that everything is so beyond my control. There are many ways to handle it, but i choose to let go.

2006-09-15T08:29:00.000-07:00

Gosh, i got very busy recently. But i like the feeling, of being occupy with stuff and meeting new people everyday. Well if you are wondering what the hell i am doing, i am doing network marketing. That is what people call the multilevel marketing business. The company is Herbalife. Heard that? Yeah, im getting my butt out of the comfort zone. Herbalife is all nutrition and wellness. Health problems like under-nutrition, obesity and stuff can be solve in Herbalife. Isn't it awesome? By the way, i have gain 3kgS through this~ [Haha]

Went to Meridion hotel today. I was so nervous during the journey. [Argh] 'Cos i'm gonna see K.C.See. Check him out ya, a very charming and sucessful man, a man of dignity. I shall stop here today. Nite darlingsSs.

2006-09-08T22:28:00.000-07:00

Faith in believing.
I doubt i have any. And to think of involving in some serious relationship freaks me out. Companionship might be something too much to ask for. I don't think i have any right in making decisons. Maybe I'm just too much for anyone to handle... ...

2006-09-07T08:44:00.000-07:00

Went clubbing with ying, ade, ah min and elaine! [Hoho] Well i'm really not into the mambo night, whats more the place is so packed. Eventually we went to MOMO and the music is great. Too bad that elaine have to head home early. [Chill]

Feel bad somehow as i had not accomplish what i planned to do duh. Initially bro and me planned to get some flowers for greatmind for her birthday. But i am the one who spoil the whole thing. [-_-] 'Cos my mind was so strained out when lisheng came back to me afew days ago. So sorry ya darling. So in the end i just text a sms to greet her. [GuiltiIii]

I decided to accompany him through. He ain't feeling any better than me. And i think it is alright to stay by his side. But i decided not turn back. Not unless he have a reason to trigger my thoughts for that. I am going at a comfortable pace in my single life now and feel absolutely carefree. [WeeEee]

I appreciate you for being there for me. Your existance really make a difference in my life. We shall see what the future holds.

2006-09-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

Spare a thought for me. if you really care. Can't you just face yourself and be truthful that you had not learnt your lesson? Yuor word might seems convincing to you but i know you are lying. You have all the time in the world to do whatever you want. So lets face the fact that till this very moment you still only think whats the best for you. You leave me with a reason and i find absolutely no reason to go back to you. Unless you can find the reason, dream on. Well i suppose that you might hate this idea 'cos you hate to answer my questions, always.

2006-09-03T11:02:00.000-07:00

Have you learnt your lesson? That you should think carefully before you make decisons? You have chosen her, to replace me in that special place of yours. Despite my tears and reasons, you have chosen her. So learn to be grateful. Love her and treat her well. Not me.

If this time round you gonna hurt her, i'm not going to forgive you. For that you hadn't learnt your lesson well to respect us girls. Don't be selfish, to think of only what you want. Think for her, learn how to appreciate people around you.

I am most willing to be your soul mate. But if you wanna force your way through just to regain what you once had, we might not be able to be even just friends.

2006-09-03T03:19:00.000-07:00

Knock Knock......

Ouch....

2006-09-02T03:06:00.000-07:00

I will do according to the way i want my life to be, be it right or wrong in general. I mean how could one know the right thing when one never gone through the wrong path before? Simply be listening and heeding the 'advices' from people who claimed they had more experiences than you? Thats not what i want in life. To stay in the comfort zone and regret for what i have not done. This is not the life i want. For what ever the case is, i just want to live the best out of my life. Well i do appreciate people around me, and i felt that i am indeed blessed for having them around me. So if you sincerely care, just let me free. Watch me.

2006-08-28T11:06:00.000-07:00

Woke up early today duh... 'Cos of ying's msg. [Winks] Contridicting yet again, I regret where i had lead an angel to. If only i could have a clearer mind and handle things properly... But what is done cannot be undone... So lets' pray... ...

Is like early in the morn 9 plus which i came across ying's msg and i couldn't go back to sleep anymore. I know that she must be sleeping at this time but i wouldn't care much. [Ah haha] So i called her ya, and the conversation last about 2 hours....

Everyone ask me about my mentor. [-_-] Why is it so? I mean isn't it normal to hang out with a person all the time? [Haha] Anyway, he is a great guy. That's all. Don't talk to me about love bla bla~ I'm not ready to all that nonsense.

I feel so not right without you by my side. But i know i must not be selfish.

2006-08-26T18:20:00.000-07:00

Trust me, I will be there if you needs me. No question asked, I will be there.

2006-08-26T06:44:00.000-07:00

I'm not as good as i seems to be. And at this point of time when i realised the another side of me i felt so terrified. What i need is not that but instead time to feel my freedom once again. I had enough of restrictions and regrets, so let me have my time to be alone.

2006-08-23T23:04:00.000-07:00

I've lost count of my days being single. Sometimes i really felt so lost when i wasn't behaving the way i should be. I'm in the midst of recovery, i'm finding ways regain my faith in believing. One of the way i had found to mantain a sense of myself was to withhold the extend of my pain from others. To tell people that i was 'fine' when i wasn't. Although i knew it wasn't the truth, it kept me from feeling like a gigantic wound that wouldn't stop hemorrhaging. It was much easier to say and people look relieved when i did. Lately i had been saying the same thing, except that now i was beginning to believed it. Well its a good sign i might say.

I've learnt alot on my road to recovery... ...
Truth is fierce and unrelenting. We cannot change it, but we can change the way we live with it. Making mistakes, not being loved and dying are inescapable experiences of being a human. So is our fear of them. So i should face my fear. And by facing those fears, i have a chance to step beyond them. [Lalala~]

2006-08-18T19:52:00.000-07:00

My mentor will kill me if he knows i am still slacking infront of the computer. Ah haha, suppose to meet him at 7.30 in the morn, now is erm... 11am [-_-]

Should i go club with ying they all tonight? [Hmm] Ying, i just recover from sickness lea, later i kanna again how?? I don't wanna fall ill sia, its so awful. But i feel like going... [Contridict] Hmmm, next week will be a better timing for me. I think i need to rest more to keep illness at bay. [Lalala~]

Will be with my mentor all day long i suppose.
But if pig oink oink wanna meet me tonight then i shall meet you.[Heehee]

Don't ask me the arm wave thing, i haven master it. [Shy]

2006-08-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

Yeah, the cough is going down. Ah haha... Thanks for the aloe tingy from my stupid mentor. [Giggles] Still another one and a half week to go and i will be free from work ya.

I am getting used to my new world. Well not that bad afterall.

Have faith in you and get out of the sad track step by step. No promises for the future but i sees posibilities.

2006-08-17T11:02:00.000-07:00

Went to watch The breakup. Hmm... i was disappointed. I thot the movie could make me laugh like mad or even cry hard, but it turned out to be a show with hardly any meaning. Luckily i have a good companion. [Smiles]

Today, If we were still together, we will be stepping in to a 3rd year of relationship. Alright i know i shouldn't have all these in mind... But i just can't help but think so... ...

I'm afraid of stepping into a relationship, or any possibilities of getting into one. Every little process reminds me of him. A touch, or even popcorn... ... It seems like every sweet beautiful things will turn into misery in no time. I hope that my phobia won't last long... ... 'Cos deep in the night, i feel lonely...

2006-08-15T08:13:00.000-07:00

Well I guess i won't wanna go back anymore. I still care and i don't wanna leave his world, but i want it another way. Maybe things will turn out to be better... ...
I do miss him at times, especially at night when i was all alone. Well i think it is normal isn't it?

Having a cough and for quite sometime duh... ... Means no pop corn huh? OMG
I shall be obedient and rest till i recover ya. 'Cos there are lotsa interesting movies recently which i don't wanna miss.

Went out with my mentor today after work. I keep coughing and coughing like as if i'm gonna die soon so he take me to have porridge. He is in his late 20s but really look like erm.. 20? [Haha] Don't come and question me, we just happen to get along well and chilling out as friends. I don't intend to get yet another guy to intrude my world. Well at least not now...

Don't find faults on others, it won't do you any good. At the end of the day, you are the one who is suffering. So grow from your mistakes instead of picking on their behaviour.

2006-08-13T09:08:00.000-07:00

Went to Momo with Jas and Ying and some friends. It was quite boring at first but the day turned out to be great. Went for prata at about erm 6? Well all i know is when i wanna sleep, its about 7 going to 8.

Omg, it will be very bad for skin sia. I am now single so i shall take good care of myself... ... I don't wanna be a pathetic miserable girl, i wanna be a strong survivor of heartbreaks. I wanna live my life to the fullest. I was forced out of my comfort zone to where i am now. There is no way to turn back, So i shall loook forward. [Woot]

2006-08-13T01:23:00.000-07:00

He talk to me on msn. And my tears swell up, i can't stop my tears from falling. I don't even know whats on my mind. Do i miss him? My answer isn't a yes. But why am i crying so hard? He asked me are we still friends and i said yes. Am i foolish? I don't know.

My dear friend,
All the best to you. You and your girl shall have my blessing. Hope you are living in happiness right now. I'm not leaving your world, is just that our relationship have promoted to a level where it shall last forever.

2006-08-10T11:42:00.000-07:00

I am alright, well at least i don't think of him of often anymore. The toughest part is the time when i am alone in the night. I'm just so reject to sleep, tho i am tired. Time really heals, so don't hurry me, let me mend my wound.

Went out with my mentor yesterday. Nothing much, just follow him where ever he goes. Meeting clients and whatever. I just feel like doing nothing, but at the same time don't wanna be alone. He is a great guy i must say. I see qualities in him which are missing in most guys nowadays. I respect him as a man with great ambitions. He made me feel at ease and comfortable so, i shall pester him. [Haha]

Went to TP to register today, god bless me. [Woot] Hopefully i will have a fresh start in a new environment.

I think every women need to have the ability to support themselves financially. Don't expect men to commit their whole life to you. It is not wrong to have a guy to lean on, infact it is good to have one. But if the guy were to leave you at the point of time when you need him most, you will really fall hard. Being emotionally hurt is bad enough, whats more if financial problem were to surface. Think twice before giving up anything for his sake.

A lesson learnt, to use for a life-time.
I will survive. [Mucks darlingsSs]

2006-08-09T05:12:00.000-07:00

Everything is in a mess. I did not behave the way i suppose to. I should't be like this. Why everything got so screwed up. I feel so weak, as if i can't concentrate on what ever i do. I might seems weird to some of my friends. But i just can't help.

Can anyone tell me i am alright to brhave like this?

2006-08-09T02:57:00.000-07:00

Everyone please do me a favour. Link this web page kkes. [Thanks]
http://www.ibreakfastclub.blogspot.com/ and save it as healthy breakfast.

Thanks ya all. I will be strong. Mucks.

2006-08-08T14:21:00.000-07:00

Phew... So tired.... Things are not done as i planned. Now is six in the morn and i have just came back from Momo. Well i am meeting my friends at 6.45 [-_- oO]
Tho my schedule got so packed, he still slip into my mind. But the frequency is getting lesser and lesser. So does that means my wound is healing? Hmm... ...

The club thingy is ending at 11 but i doubt i can have a rest cos i promise my mummy to go spa with her. [OMG]

If i were to behave like the old me, i will just put my hp in one corner and knock out ya. But breaking a promise will do me no good. I shall torture myself today. By hook or by crook i will keep myself awake. [-_- oO]

2006-08-08T01:53:00.000-07:00

I feel so worn out recently. There are something for me to accomplish everyday. Hmm.... I shall take sometime to be alone. To think of what i want and organise my stuff and that.

Anyway, i will be going to MOMO with jas today. But will be going home quite early cos have to wake up early tomorrow to breakfast club. It is er... erm.... hmm.... Well i don't know how to explain but is something new in Singapore. Anyone interested to join in ya?

I will be very free after this month so please date me.[Hoho]

No worries, i am strong.[Woot]

2006-08-06T08:11:00.000-07:00

I still misses him. I remember the the sweet lil' things he had done for me. He will always coax me to sleep before he go home. I will hold his finger tight and he will pat me till i fall asleep. There was once he even made breakfast for me. But it became my lunch 'cos i wakie too late. He did not pamper me with gifts. But the things he had done for me are priceless.

Tho it falls into painful breakoff, i still wanna thank him for loving me for almost three years. I really misses your hugs and your smile. Do you miss me?

I will move on with him in my heart.

2006-08-05T20:45:00.000-07:00

I am not that strong, but i am not too weak either. Just can't control but cry, and stop when i feel better. I told myself its alright to grieve. I won't stop myself from feeling miserable. The relationship was a sweet one and worth grieving over. I didn't regret holding his hands. Those are the beautiful memories never to be forgotten.

Tho i still reluctant to move on, i need to.

Thanks for all the support from my pals. I know i am repeating my words. Thanks for taking in the miserable me. Shall you guys have any problem, i'm just a call away. I will chiong down no matter what.[winks]
P/s: Going to momo on tues, anyone?

You still owe me a hug. Shall i never recieve it, you BIRTHDAY PRESENT will be that hug. Mind you, don't be stingy.

For you-know-who, i don't wanna see you landing on the plight i am now. So please be strong. You are like a bird in a cage now, i don't see happiness in your eyes. I simply loathe that. I know you feel weak. So let me be your strength.

2006-08-05T10:33:00.000-07:00

Now even if i don't move on, he won't come back to me either. 'Cos he got the girl to be his girlfriend. The pain in intolerantable. Well i don't know what i am saying either. Let me be. Just let me cry my heart out.

Other then this, i don't know what to do anymore. My mind is blank.

2006-08-04T20:10:00.000-07:00

It is so painful to fall out from love. The pain is beyond imagination. I don't feel like facing it anymore. I feel like running away from it. Can I?

Have my schedule packed but i feel so worn out. Went to clubbing with jas, watch movie with kwek, have dinner with my mum, stay over night at my friend's house etc. None of the activities could stop the flash backs of our memories. My heart is so heavy and numb. I'm tired.

Will be going to kelong, airport, clubbing and stuff like that for the following week. But i miss him more day by day. I wonder any posibilities if we were still together. I wonder... ...

I really don't feel like going on with my life without him. But i know i must.

[I still misses you alot my dearest.]

2006-08-04T19:22:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the first time you hold my hand?
Do you remember the first time we kissed?
Do you remember the first promise you made to me?
Do you remember me?
The girl you promised to looked after.
The girl you used to love... ...
She is now crying alone.
She finally know how heartbreak feels when you choose to leave her alone.
She felt so weak without you.
But she knows the more she speaks, the more you ignore.
'Cos you don't love her anymore.
She felt so useless, she can't bring herself to hate you.
She felt so tired after a day's work but she just couldn't sleep without you.

My soul is in a mess 'cos of you. Where ever i go, i recall memories of ours.
And i realise that we have lots of things unfufiled. 'Cos we simply think that we will be together forever, we didn't cherish our time together. I'm full of regrets right now.

Do you feel happy right now? Do you feel empty at times? Do you still think of me when you are alone? Do you miss me? I really misses you. Sometimes when i woke up in the morn i still doubt it has happened. The wound has yet to recover.

I know everyone around me are supportive of me. But i just couldn't bring myself to move on. I regret, i remorse. I just don't wanna end so early.
But it is too late. He have another girl in his heart. He simply don't have any feelings for me anymore. I shall move on, later... ...

2006-08-01T20:16:00.000-07:00

I am feeling better. Though i still feel sore, i think i am recovering from it well. I mean, its ok to feel down right? [Hehe]

What really makes me feel better in such a short time are my friends. They made me feel worth well without him. There is always 'Don't worrie, you still have me'. I felt so loved. [LOL] Finally, i am able to believe that i might lead a better life without him. Tho some part of me still wants him back. 'Cos all i know is i really love him. Whats more he is my first love. All i need is just time, so support me okies?

Don't blame him, he don't want this to happen either. The guiltines he felt within is the punishment. I have some responsibility to bear in this too. So please don't confront him. Give me sometime, when i am able to put down the hard feelings. I will be his friends. Don't scold me for that, I just wanna stay by his side.

Thx, for taking the initiative again to msg me. For, you know who.

2006-07-31T21:51:00.000-07:00

Now i know why you can be so heartless when you break off with me. So you fall in love with the other girl. I hope she is serious, i hope she is true. I hope you will get your happiness from that merely known girl.

I have to pick myself up, cos my friends will worry. But i still miss you my dearest. Some part of me still hope that you will regret and turn back.

Now i am alone.
I really misses you. All the best.

2006-07-30T22:42:00.000-07:00

Thats just my thought, i don't hide. And belive it or not, i am just that lazy. I did wanna hold back 'cos i know some faults lies in me. But i'm just so not in the mood to do anything right now. This is my first time going through a break off and i am learning to overcome it.
Somehow i just hope that you can hang on there and tolerate me. Yeah i know i am being selfish. But i am really not ready when things happen all so sudden.

i don't wanna pity. I just need someone to take in the silly me and assure me that everything is alright. I am too weak to doing anything against my heart. Right now.

No worries, time heals. [Smiles]

2006-07-30T20:42:00.000-07:00

Finally, he choose to take the other path. The journey without me. I cried really hard and realised i love him mmore then i imagine. But everything was too late. We choose to remain as friend. Don't say me silly, i just wanna stay by his side.

2006-07-30T06:43:00.000-07:00

Oh so i am the one who causes catastrophic scenes in your life. Well if you think i only cause misery in your life and nothing else then please get alive.
There must be a reason for you to stay.

I think i have my rights to do what i feel like doing. Be it spending more time with him or what ever. You have the right to feel neglected either, i understand and i am pleased that you voiced out. But by telling me that i am wrong in spending my time with him, i think you have gone too far.

I don't see theres a need for you to rage to or judge other's lifestyle. 'Cos it won't do any impact.

Once i believed that we were really good friends. There isn't any doubts that we might lost contact. Which i am glad to have this feeling. But your attitude really disgusts me. You complained that you were the one who always take the intiative. Its alright cos i know i didn't and thats me. But if you wanna complain of my attutide towards life, my way of handling matters, my world of friends, my everything;If it reallly irk you so much, then why on earth should you stay? You sound as if like i am nothing but trouble to you.

If you think i am a mate for life, then trust me. If you think i am just a friend then ignore my life. Don't contridict youself by telling me i am not worthy but still stick with me. I'm done with my word. All the best.

2006-07-28T10:06:00.000-07:00

Okies! My brother Khoo Yong Jin is now OFFICIALLY 21!!
Happy birthday my bro, tho' the time we have spent together nowadays got lesser and lesser, you are still my bro.
'Cos you see, 'once bro always bro'. [Mucks]
Please give me and ying a tight hug if you receive your pressie~ [Woot]

We are going through a test now, but this time, frankly speaking, i have no confidence that we will pull through.

I lost my way in your world, but this is my choice. Even there is someone to lead me out, i will also choose to stay.

'Love is feeling your warmth in my heart'

2006-07-26T09:43:00.000-07:00

I might be the one who is not considerate enough.
I might be the one who should pay more attention to his needs.
I might be the one who must pay responsibilities to the plight we are in now.

I think i am unreasonable.
I think i am can try to be more caring.
I think i should put myself in his shoe so that i know how he feels.

I don't want to end just like that, 'cos there are lots of dreams and promises we have yet to fufil. [I miss you]

'Love should not give in to misery'

2006-07-25T04:43:00.000-07:00

Quite busy recently... There are so much things waiting to be done. I admit I am the type who couldn't take much stress duh. Especially when things had not been doing well between us.

Our three year relationship might end soon. Frankly speaking, i am not sure whether i can take it or not. But i am too weak to do anything, or maybe i am just too afraid to come out from the comfort zone. I belive that everything have its fate. So even my will is to continue the journey together despite those disheartening facts, i will respect his decison.

Recently he had been giving me a cold shoulder which he have never been like this before. I became so fret up that causes quarrels to arise. Seriously i don't know what to do now. I understand that this had been a stressful month for him, but i just can't bring myself down to throw myself at him when he is so cold towards me.

Lets just take it as a test for our bond. [I miss you]

Therefore, i am not in a good mood recently. And i suppose i neglected Elaine. Lols. 'Cos i always find excuses to decline her dates [Hoho] as i am not ready to answer the ,' What's wrong with you' question. And i must say that she is only one of a few that take the intiative to contact me despite my MIA combo. Well somehow i should say thank you to you lalalala~

I will be alright, or maybe we will be alright after sometime.
No worries. [Smiles]

'Love is beautiful yet so arduous to sustain'

2006-07-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

What had happen? Why have our relationship gone so bad? Why is his behavior so odd recently? Why?

I am tired, real tired. I don't even know what am i supposed to do now... ...
Can i just rot fron this moment? Can i? Everyday means work and work, thou i know is just for a month duh. But i just can't take it.
Is busy a reason good enough for him to give me a cold shoulder? I really don't think so duh.

Is watching movie a very tough job to do? Is giving me a gift hard? Is like almost one and a half year since he had given me anything. No nothing. Not a flower even. Am i that cheap, that i don't worth even the cost of a stalk of flower? Maybe... ...

I don't even know why am i crying now... ...
How nice if he were to come in and give me a hug now. How nice if he were here to tell me everything is alright that i don't have to worry much.

Please, if you know i am crying and you don't feel a thing. Tell me. So that both of us could move on with our own lives.

So that i can really cry my heart out without you in my life.
So that i can learn to forget.
So that i Don't need to question myself anymore.

'Love is when you know how to give true blessings to your beloved who is going to leave you'

2006-07-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

Darl had been working alot recently, hard on him.
I feel somewhat lifeless without him by my side. Can say that i am too used to stick to his side. [Sobs] However, i think he is tough and i respect him for that. [Heehee]
'Cos he never once complained, neither did he have the thought of giving up tough jobs. If i were to be in his situation, i will choose to take the easy way out. [Shy]
I wonder where did he get all the guts and energy to take up all those task... ...
He is really a darling to me. Will feel miserable for him at times, thinking of calling him to go for the easier route too. But i hold myself back, 'cos i respect him in this agenda.

I have faith in you and i am willing to go through thicks and thins with you.

' Love is about putting yourself in the hands of someone else and trusting the other person not to let it go.'

2006-07-14T05:54:00.000-07:00

Ok, now i'm having my mask on. This is the first time i try this 'Cortry natural' mask. It is a moisturising mask but suprisingly a chinese herb smell. Well i hope this is not the last time i'm gonna use this brand... ...

Recently went to club with my erm, sisters in sec school. Well we are all busy with our own lives and hardly meet up so i feel really good to see them. Tho i almost reject the invitation to accompany my darl. [Guilty]

I love to go wild with my pals, 'cos they have seen all the worse of me. [Haha] Just when we were having a great time at MOMO. A out-of-nowhere-girl came near us. Is ok, we don't mind to befrien stranger girl but i think she had gone tooOO far. [Fuck] She pushed Ade up to the pole da podium to dance with her. At first i thought it was because the out-of-no-where-girl was too high. But wait, why the next is me?
She REALLY force me up there damn. I try to say that i wore a skirt and i want to go down but to no avail. So i just entertained her abit and try to go down but she stop me from doing so, OMG. Ping try to get me down but she refused to give in. [wah]
Finally after afew tries she gave in. Call me spoil-sport i don't care, i just want to GO DOWN. Ok now the next victim is Ping, which caused her to held onto the pole helplessly, kinda funny. [ops, sorry darling] We don't want to show our anger, so we try to ignore her. Well this is our hard-to-yearn-for-mitup. Hey i think this girl is mad 'cos she still didn't give up. She must be a lesbian. [wink] Suddenly, Ping turn around and gave a horrified look,' She used her XX to bua me!' Damn. Unfortunate me 'cos it is my turn, which turn out to be worse. She dance closely behind me. [it's ok] Then she put her hands on my waist. [Huh!] Before i can draw away from her, her hands goes down to my tigh and flip my skirt up! [Wah Lau] I screamed on top of my voice and all i can think of is put my skirt down and siam. DAmN iT!!!
She is a freak.

All these ends when Ade inform the people working there that we were pushed around by that idiot.

But overall we have quite some enjoyable time. [mucksmucks]

blues

2006-07-05T12:05:00.000-07:00

Feeling down sia... And i suppose there is only one person who can makes me feel this bad.
Feel like trashing everything out of the window and be single, again.
I wonder what will I be, if i had chose not to attached. Will i be taking up dancing classes? Will I be clubbing all day long? Will i turn into a loose women? Or maybe I might be owning a bike now? Every thought thrills me.
But this is only just plain day dreaming... For as long as i attached, I will not be able to fufil my wishes. That sound pathetic, But that is a decison i made. And hopefully all sacrifices worth well. What do you think?

I'm feeling empty right now.
A hug may makes me feel better.
But who will it be?
Bro i misses you so much, but since that day, i realise you are not the one i used to know anymore...

2006-07-01T10:00:00.000-07:00

My bro gonna serve his two years NS starting from this coming friday. No worries 'cos he very fit. [woot]. Lets' count down fer him dude.

Personally, i think is good for guys to serve NS. It really make a difference in the mind set of 'em guys. For the guys around me, i find that guys who serve NS tend to be more responsible. However, serving NS a tough journey. So i respect them guys and luckily, I am a girl.

This girl has been on my mind for these few days. My impression and attitude towards her was somewhat contridicting. Sometimes i really don't agree with her way of doing things. But when i am with her, i think that she is not so bad afterall. We shared good times before, and once i thought that we were good friends.
My bro says that me and her should find more time to meet up 'cos we are drifting apart. Her reaction was that we have not much to talk about, which i don't deny. She seems to have a barrier to protect herself from harm. There isn't any wrong, or i might be wrong about that. So i just let nature takes it course. And maybe bacause of our social circle, some of the topics are prohibited. To me, we were once good friends and is never too late to get closer. Whether she feels the same is up to her and i respect her decisions.

2006-06-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

I just love this picture. Hoohoo...^^

After working for three full months, i finally understands why adults always says that studying is good.
'Cos if you score full marks for your studies, you will be rewarded by your parents, praised by teachers, pals of yours will be either envy or jealous.
However, if you score full marks in your performance in work, you might only get self satisfaction. Working partners might feel that you are trying to hard to get something out of it. And needless to say, boss are paying... So you SHOULD keep puting on your best.

And to think of living on with life like this, there is only on word to describe: MISERABLE

So i consider myself lucky. That i have a chance to get a taste of it, regret and go back to school life in three months time. For as long as i can remember ( But i have short-term memory >.< ), i will treasure the chance to study and enjoy it.

2006-06-28T08:24:00.000-07:00

It is like quite boring down here, indeed. Out there, are two hopeless guy talking.. erm.. About hard feelings i might say. And me sitting down here trying to entertain me myself. -_- I sincerely CURSE them for outcasting me.

Thinking back, i might say our relationship seems to devalop quite fast at the start. We knew each other like around three months and we started dating. And mind you, it was my first relationship. I was so not prepared then. That even when he first kissed me, i still doubt what he was doing.
Silly me.

Now we have been together for er.. erm.. around three year and the relationship has yet turned sour. I must really count my blessings and thank god for everything i have now.

Well i must say i am not like this in my past, until some illness hit me.

During those days when i thought everything i had was what i deserved, i took everything for-granted. Including money, family and him. I only do what i wanted to do and agrees with things which are in favour of me. That was me, and frankily speaking i still think my ways are accecptable now IF i hadn't gone through the heart tearing pain in my eye.

That was a time when all true colour shows. My eye got some kind of wierd 'disease' out of sudden. It began with a normal sore eye. I never thought of seeing a doctor as i thought it was just a normal infection. But it turned out to be a nightmare. It started to caused mild headache, and in days, it became a brain cracking headache. Which send me crying for help in the middle of the night. That was where my almost half year probation starts.

I gone through countless of injections and blood tests. For those who were my ex-school mates, they will definately able to tell you how far i can go to run away for injections and blood tests. Every jabs caused me to cry without fail. And to think of taking a few jabs everyday are like hell to me. But i supposed other than my family, only he stood by me. My left eye vison blurred and swollen. I dare not go out, 'cos i tink i am so ugly. I dread to visit doctors. It was like the end of the world to me, at that time, it really was. The most painful experience was to take an injection under my eye lid. It really send chills down my spine whenever i think of it.

Finally after a few months, things turn out to be better. I was transfer to SGH eye centre to pay a professor a visit. And she was the only one who can identify the illness. I still take jabs, and the highest record was 6 in just one afternoon. Luckily things turned out to be better. My vision started to recover but i still have to take loads of medications.

At that few months time, he stood by me. Putting up with my angers and every silly thing i did. He spend every min he has with me. Despite at the point of time, i have nothing but misery to share with him. He still hold on to me, when i am a nothing but ugly pitiful girl.He made me come this far. Thanks, my dearest. If you have a chance to see these. [woot]

I realise that most of the people around us can share joy or even anger, but hardly anyone can share misery. There are many reasons for that. But if you ever came across someone whom are willing to accept you for who you are and share your burden with you. Tell them that they are gorgeous.

Hold Tight

2006-06-10T07:49:00.000-07:00

I missed my friends.....
I know that is my decision to spend more time with him. But whenever I heard that there are some events going on among my pals and I am not involved, i will have a sense of lost. I missed the late-night chats and I missed all those doing-nothing-gatherings.
In the past, I take all those as time killing programs. But now when i lose it, I realised is it all so precious.
Yes i feel good with him always by my side. But at the same time I feel that i am drifting apart with my pals.

One of the precious ones is my loli. I don't know why but i feel that we are not as good as before anymore. She have changed alot. The way she think and the things she persue. Maybe it is demanding for friends to take the same paths. Whatever, i respect her every decisions.

Another one is the scariest girl i have ever known. Just meet up on wednesday to celebrate her birthday. She complains, and i know that I neglected her. But my life seems to revolve around him and seriously i don't know what to do to balanced both well. So, what i can do now is to pray, pray hard for her and her love life.

Nonetheless is my Oh-So-Hugg-able brothers. Thinking of them simply makes me smile.
They are truely sweet and nice. And sometimes when I am alone, i dare not take the intiative to contact them. I don't want them to have an impression of that i will only look up for them when he is not with mi. They might not need me in their life, but i need'em. So, indeed I am guilty.

But guys, please belive me. For that i will always hold tight to our bonds. For i will always be there if you tell me you need me.

I hope none of my friends will see this 'cos is rather awkward to express ones feelings... ...

I hope that Zz will always be my brother 'cos I love him! And stop grumbling that he wants to have a girlfriend when he obviously not putting in any effort in going after girls.

I hope Yj have not forgotten me, Me! 'Cos we are so good in the past that i hope we are able to meet up soon and talk rots again. And hope he won't keep on his say-say thingy and seriously attached with someone.

I hope Qd will start to save money. Haha, I know if you see this you will kill me. 'Cos, money is meant for spending. right? I sincerely hope that you will fall in love with a girl who knows how to treasure you, 'cos you are worth treasuring sweetie. Once brother always brother, *knock*.

I hope Jason will grow fatter, really. You are way too skinny, and way too good... ... Don't let girls bully ler ok?! Hope you sail smooth in the relationship with your girlfriend.

I hope Y's injury will recover speedily. You feel miserable I know but please take good care of youself. 'Cos this is the only way to get back to sports again.

There are still alot more I wanna greet, but thats all for today 'cos I need to wake up early tomorow.

My dearest bro

2006-03-06T06:03:00.000-08:00

once i've got a very sweet brother who is charming and thoughtful.
ya abit short indeed..... juz aBit ok

then something happened.....
which drift us apart......

haiz.....
till now we have not patched everything up as yet.
though we joke as usual.....
but i juz dun feel rite.....
i am sort of sad when he treat me like no others.

he is specially to me, but maybe i'm not to him......

he is very important to me...... really.....
i hope that we will be as good as before..... one day.... hopefully

i am very certain that i will standby him for as long as i can......

dear diary.

2005-08-29T06:25:00.000-07:00

my first entry. =D